A Snowman That Denies its Maker, is Abominable.

Oh,
Frosty the snowman
Was alive as he could be
And all the kids this season
say that he can reason
just the same as you and me.

Abbie: “… no! I don’t want to hear anymore of your sophistry! There is no creator, Frosty. And your insistence on jamming your silly beliefs down my throat is quite abominable! I should know, I am “Thee Abominable Snowman”, after all.”

Frosty: “Abbie, you know I’ve never called you that. I care about you, snowman. If I believe my faith is the truth, which obviously I do, then wouldn’t I be abominable if I didn’t share my faith in the Creator with you?”

Abbie: “Yeah, Yeah, Frosty, but I’ve heard it all before from other snowmen like you! You’re gonna talk about how some Creator must have given us our arms and you’re gonna talk about how each and every snowflake that we’re compromised of is so unique and complex, and how someone has put us here with a purpose in mind. Then you’ll propose that I must believe in you imaginary “fashioner” or else I will melt in “the hot summer that is to come,” Right? Well, wrong Frosty! There is plenty of evidence to the contrary, as a matter of fact.”

Frosty: “No, actually I wasn’t gon-”

Abbie: “It’s just such childish reasoning, Frosty! You’re gonna talk about how his “glove prints” are evident on us and this whole mountain side, right? You really shouldn’t believe that gibberish! That kind of reasoning is going to drag the whole snowman race back into the ice age! A much better explanation for our existence, rather than your Creator in the Gaps fallacy, is the Grand Avalanche.”

Frosty: “the Grand Avalanche?”

Abbie: “oh Frosty… poor.. sweet.. simple Frosty. The Grand Avalanche is so elementary to our snowentific thought, it’s embarrassing that I even have to explain it to you. But alas, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a snowman creationist doesn’t know about basic snowentific truths.”

Frosty: “I’ve heard of it, Abbie, I’m just surprised you say that that is your great explanation for our existence.”

Abbie: “Frosty, it’s the most reasonable explanation! There was nothing, then the great avalanche happened. Over time and by chance- not design- snow balls began rolling down the mountain. As they rolled they picked up more and more snow. These rolling balls picked up twig arms, carrot noses, coal eyes, scarfs and even top hats. Given enough time, probability is on our side. It was bound to happen! There’s no great design for us on this mountain, Frosty, you’re being illogical and simple minded. All is snow and snowmen are the measure of all things.”

Frosty: “Abbie, like I was trying to articulate earlier, before I was interrupted, I’m not like those other snowmen you’ve talked with. I want to talk about the foundations of our conversation and any kind of “proof” whatsoever. What must be true in order for us to be able to discuss truth and evidence, and what we ought to believe.”

Abbie: “O brother, here we go, you’re even more unreasonable than I thought, Frosty.”

Frosty: “Abbie, you keep mentioning logic, reason, snowentific facts, and what we ought and ought not believe, but I don’t think your argument has any ground to stand on.”

Abbie: “That’s rich! Ok, tell me how your snowman creationism makes any sense of our existence.”

Frosty: “Do you believe there are laws of logic, Abbie?”

Abbie: “of course, don’t be preposterous.”

Frosty: “Are they universal? Do they apply on the other side of this mountain?”

Abbie: “They’re agreed upon by us snowmen. They aren’t laws that exist out in the wintery world. They’re consensual.”

Frosty: “Are they simply conventions, then?”

Abbie: “They are conventions, but they are conventions that are self-verifying.”

Frosty: “Are they snowciological laws or laws of thought?”

Abbie: “They are laws of thought which are interpreted by snowmen and promoted by snowmen.”

Frosty: “Are they made of snow?”

Abbie: “How can a law be made of snow?”

Frosty: “That’s a question I am going to ask you, Abbie.”

Abbie: “I would say no, Frosty. May I ask you a question though?”

Frosty: “yeah, ok.”

Abbie: “Would you say that your snowman creator is made of snow?”

Frosty: “No, the Creator isn’t made of snow”.

Abbie: ” I believe, ultimately, everything is made of snow. Can you give me an example of anything other than your snow creator that isn’t made of snow?”

Frosty: “the laws of logic. That’s my whole point Abbie. When you try to explain the whole mountain and our experience through snow alone you can’t even account for your reasoning capabilities.”

Abbie: “Frosty, I swear, you are the simplest snowman this side of the snow line. Your argument doesn’t have a snowballs chance in summer of convincing me.”

Frosty: “Hear me out, Abbie. On my view of the mountain, I can make sense of reason. The snowman creator is reasonable, he’s fashioned us in a reasonable way. He’s rolled us, shaped us and formed us in his own image. He’s made us with the capacity to think in a reasonable way so we can make sense of the mountain we live on.”

Abbie: “I think it’s perfectly reasonable to derive reason and logic from what we see on this mountainside!”

Frosty: “But you believe this all happened by chance. Trying to explain reason from chance, the way you view the mountain, is like a snowman made of snow, trying to climb out of the snow on a ladder made of snow. If we snowmen are the product of chance, why should we be cognizant, logical, or capable of speech at all?”

Abbie: “Because it just so happened to have happened that way, obviously!”

Frosty: “That’s the point we’re discussing though, Abbie. We are self-aware, and just as there must be a foundation under all this snow that’s holding us up, so there must also be a foundation for the laws of thought which are necessary for our conversation to make sense. I believe in the creator as I believe in that the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. I believe in the creator so that I might understand this mountain and myself. Nothing else consistently makes sense, or speaks rightly of reality or subjective snowman experience.”

Abbie: “Sir, you are begging the question.”

Frosty: “Really, Abbie? You’re going to accuse me of question begging after you’ve just said, “because it just so happened to have happened that way”? Think about it snow-brother. Believing in the creator is the only reasonable explanation for our own personalities, without him we have to get personality from impersonal chance. And for that matter, if chance is king then where do laws come from? They must not exist in the objective wintery world, because you say that world is the result of chance, not the product of a designer who gives it a structure of regularity. So what are laws on your view?”

Abbie: “Like I said, they are conventions.”

Frosty: “But Abbie, they cannot merely be conventions. The laws of thought must be objective truth. You can’t deny their existence because you need them in order to deny them thus refuting your denial. You literally cannot deny that they are objective facts. Since you can’t deny them you must give an account for them. It’s my contention that the laws of thought are rooted in our creator, he is the standard for logic. He made us reasonably, without that you cannot account for reason itself, which you cannot escape.”

Abbie: “Then I presuppose them. The laws of logic are my starting point and as such they are unprovable yet I am allowed to use them in my system.”

Frosty: “But the rest of your system can’t account for them. Isn’t that blatantly obvious? To presuppose necessary, universal, non-snow laws of thought would be a contradiction and thus a reductio ad absurdum of your view of the mountain. You said snowmen are the measure of all things and all is snow, remember?”

Abbie: “Yes, I remember! I don’t need help remembering, thank you very much!”

Frosty: “Abbie, If your reasoning abilities are the result of chance then why would you trust them and why would you assume they give you truth?”

Abbie: “You’re asking me, a finite snowman, to answer life’s most fundamental questions, questions to which you’ve employed your oh-so-convenient creator to answer. It’s unreasonable to ask me to have answers to you queries.”

Frosty: Abbie, I don’t claim to know all the answers, but I know someone who does, the Creator. It seems that even in light of reasonable evidence for his existence you’ve betrayed your underlying bias. You don’t like the fact that you’ve been made in someone’s likeness- you don’t want the mountain to be like that. You don’t want to live for the purpose he’s designed you for. You don’t care that his name is clearly written on the tag of your scarf or on the inside of my top hat. You’ll find any way of escape rather than admit the obvious because to you, being created is unthinkable.”

Abbie: “You’re a real warm blanket, you know that, Frosty? And since we’re snowmen, you know I mean that as an insult.”

Frosty: “I know, Abbie, I was able to reason it out. 😉 ”

 

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